Lessons Learned

broken heart 2 colour

I know, I should let sleeping dogs lie, but I’ve been heart broken by all that’s been going on in our little community on Twitter. I miss the encouragement and support and I’ve become a bit nervous about expressing any kind of opinion on anything. It’s been upsetting to see people taking sides, unfollowing each other, and using ugly adjectives.

I am writing this because I’d like to apologize for my involvement in the matter. I was part of the original discussion that started this whole thing. Maybe if I hadn’t butted it, it would have remained a simple debate between two people and nothing more. I am sorry for that.

I’m not taking sides as I have gotten to know most of the people involved and find them all to be kind, generous people for the most part. I highly respect both sides for allowing me to maintain friendship with the other. It’s an unfortunate situation, but I must say, it has reinforced some beliefs I’ve had and helped me to learn more.

There are different forms of expression. Everyone handles their negative feelings differently. I mostly keep mine to myself, but many don’t, as you’ve seen on twitter. Some people rant, post quotes or pictures or debate or argue. Some of it I can relate to, some of it I find quite upsetting. If this is the way you need to deal with things, then by all means do it. I’d rather know that you are on twitter ranting up a storm than off somewhere alone and hurting yourself. The rest of us are free to listen or not.

Positive thinking is healthy. I believe trying to be positive on a regular basis is healthy and I’m all for it. Seeing the bright side of a situation can change your mood or outlook and prevent you from dwelling on the negatives. It’s also uplifting for the people around you. It is natural for me to see negatives first though, so I actively try to look for the positives, no matter how small. It does make me feel better. Now, some wont agree with me, that’s ok, we all have our own methods, but read the next point before you bite my head off.

Suppression is not healthy. Part of depression is the inability to feel or process feelings. Not feeling is part of what makes us unhappy. So feel it. It is impossible to be perfect all the time, sometimes you feel anger, grief, guilt, hatred etc. You need to feel them, accept the feeling and let it go. It’s not that simple, but you know what I mean. Positives are good, but you can’t use them to suppress the negative feelings.

We need comfort. Being positive is hard work and sometimes I just don’t have the energy. Other times I feel like I’m forcing it or kidding myself or something. In these moments I want those I confide in to agree with me that it sucks, I’m hurting and give me hugs. It’s not that I am not trying, I’ve been thinking about it all day, trying to turn myself around and I’ve run out of steam.

Honesty is the best policy. Tell people what you need. If you want advice, ask for it. If you don’t want it, say thanks but what I really need right now is compassion or whatever it is that you need. No one is a mind reader. The more honest you are about how you are feeling (even if you don’t know how you are feeling) and what you need, the more information people have and the less people assume. Generally people have good intentions and are just wanting to help.

Don’t make assumptions. Nothing annoys me more than people who constantly complain about a situation and then go on to make it worse and complain more. I just want to tell them that if they don’t want to do anything about it, then they aren’t allowed to complain so much. I have a friend who complains constantly about not being able to pay rent and buy dog food, but he continues to work the same job and spend a fortune on drinking and smoking. He makes me crazy sometimes, but who am I to judge whether he is not trying or not? Maybe he really loves his job and doesn’t want to leave it. Maybe he has tried budgeting, but can’t figure it out. Maybe he has an addiction and can’t just stop spending money or drinking. All I can do is offer what help I can give and hope for the best. I can’t expect that he has told me everything. Some things are just too hard to explain.

If you have gotten this far, thank you for reading and hearing me out. I’ve been over-thinking this all week. I hope I haven’t offended anyone. I just wanted to apologize to those involved and the bystanders for the part I played. I also wanted to share what has been reinforced and what I’ve learned from this. They are important lessons.

 

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jase @ FindingPostives.com
    May 18, 2014 @ 19:15:04

    Wise words from a wise woman. You have nothing to apologise for so please let that feeling go. I am proud to call you my friend. Who you choose to be friends with has nothing do with me for I respect your choices and decisions and you know with that comes my full support as always. Thank you for your continued friendship.

    Reply

  2. Princess of Dragons
    May 19, 2014 @ 05:02:48

    I can completely sympathise with the last point. My house mates, neither of whom have jobs and live off benefits, constantly complain that they have no money, and then proceed to order takeaway three time a week. And they owe me a bunch of money because they then can’t afford to pay their portion of the bills.

    Anyway, I think I’m ranting again. It sound like you have a very firm head on your shoulders, and that you trying to be supportive to your friends in a very difficult situations. It might not be the same, but have lots of virtual hugs from me 🙂

    Reply

    • somberscribbler
      May 19, 2014 @ 10:52:09

      Thanks, virtual hugs are always welcomed! It just reminds me that until you’ve walked in that person’s shoes, you can never know all the ins and outs of a situation. Everyone is different.

      Reply

  3. Trackback: Positive Protest | Somber Scribbler

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