People Pleaser

Why do I care so much about what other people think of me? Why do I want them all to like me and think highly of me? I want everyone to think I’m smart and pretty and I work hard. I want even the people I haven’t formally met and will probably never see again to think this. I let it get in the way. I stay home and hide when I feel fat and ugly and stupid. Why do I let this happen? I guess it’s just human nature to seek approval, but it’s such a waste of energy.love yourself

It’s impossible to please everyone all the time. It’s pointless to try. Some of you are probably judging me right now and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Some of you will like me, some of you wont. Some of you will respect me for sharing my experiences with depression and some of you will think I’m whining and attention-seeking. I could drive myself crazy agonizing over this and sometimes I do, but it’s not worth it. Why? It’s kind of depressing, but I’m not that special. To put it in perspective, the world is vast and I am small, most people don’t care or don’t know that I exist. In comparison to that, why should a few people who don’t like me matter? It’s not like anything actually happens when people don’t like you. Most of the time, you don’t even know when someone doesn’t like you.

I’m trying to get over this constant need to be in everybody’s good books. It’s not even good books, it’s best books if such a thing exists. This is another reason that I started blogging. Blogging is forcing me to be honest with myself, forcing me to come to terms with what my values are. It’s making me think more. I think part of having confidence is knowing yourself and having opinions on things. In real life, I just go about doing what needs to be done. I don’t prioritize, I just do it all. I never stop to think about what is important to me other than pleasing everyone else. What kind of a life can you have if what drives you is pleasing everybody else?

I guess this was a bit of a rant, sorry bout that. It’s just something that has been on my mind lately. Any thoughts?

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. suesconsideredtrifles
    May 28, 2014 @ 09:56:28

    There are lots of sayings about this issue. “You can’t please everyone, so you might as well please yourself,” springs to mind. Your last paragraph is very good. It takes time to realise what is important and what is not. Taking time to set goals can be very useful.. (Note to self – get off the internet and write!) Sue

    Reply

  2. NotAPunkRocker
    May 28, 2014 @ 12:42:48

    I wish I knew what the answer to all of this was, I have been fighting it forever and still am today. Just be yourself as much as you can and go from there.

    Reply

  3. Frantic Fox
    May 28, 2014 @ 12:53:55

    I think it’s the idea society has ingrained in us that you have to be accepted to be hip and cool. That being the popular kid that everyone likes will get you everywhere and anywhere when really it is impossible to please everyone. I am of that mindset, I’m always friendly, I’m always trying to please everyone and because of my putting emphasis on pleasing others, I nearly married the wrong man thus condemning myself to eternal despair simply because I was too afraid to say ‘no’. I was too afraid to upset my parents and his parents with the mentality of ‘what will people think of me?’.

    I still struggle with it but I’m slowly realizing that it doesn’t matter what people think because somewhere out there people will dislike you for no reason at all so I totally agree with Sue on what she says “You can’t please everyone, so you might as well please yourself”.

    Reply

  4. suesconsideredtrifles
    May 28, 2014 @ 15:04:39

    I didn’t mean to recommend pleasing yourself as an aim. A lot of people say this, but it comes down to integrity/consistency and not letting other people upset you. Sue

    Reply

  5. nembow
    May 28, 2014 @ 17:43:11

    I’ve grown more confident in myself and less concerned about other people’s opinions as I’ve grown older and have grown into myself, as I’ve figured out who I really am (battles with mental illness and all!). Finding me has (and continues to be) a lifelong process. I hit 40 last year and said to myself ‘Blow it! I really don’t care what other people think of me anymore. I’m just going to be me.’ Now, that’s not to say I’m just out to please myself because that would be selfish, instead it means I try to react and respond to people and life with honesty and authenticity. The way I see it is this: if people like a fake me, it’s not really me they like. *hugs* xxx

    Reply

    • somberscribbler
      Jun 05, 2014 @ 09:57:08

      That’s a really nice way to to think about it. I have grown less concerned with others’ opinions as I’ve grown older too. I wish I could be less concerned without the growing older part, lol.

      Reply

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