I Don’t Want to Hear it

don't want to hear it

When it comes to mental health, everybody has an opinion, mental health sufferers included. I’m tired of the opinions, especially from fellow depressives. Some people have a reason for depression, a situation, a past experience, an attitude, etc. I don’t mean to belittle any of these things. As I have never experienced them, I can’t even begin to understand the pain that can accompany such things. But, I do envy having a reason, a source, somewhere to start with therapy and something to explain why you are the way you are. It seems to be more acceptable if there is some sort of trauma attached to your mental health issues. Depression is different for everyone. Even if you think you know the facts and no matter how empathetic you think you are, you can never truly know what someone else experiences.

I don’t know why I am depressed. From the outside, it looks like I’ve got it easy and life is going swimmingly. In comparison to most of the world, I haven’t got it bad. Does that make my depression less real? Does that mean I’m faking it? I don’t think so, yet this is how I’m made to feel and not always by the general public, but by the mental health community too. How can we expect the rest of the world to stop stigmatizing mental health issues if we do it to each other. Sometimes, people mean well, but say stupid things like “Think about all the people that love you.”, “You can’t really be depressed, you still laugh.” or “You have everything going for you, think about how lucky you are.” I can forgive them, we all have our moments. Then, there are those that don’t believe in mental illness. Those people are always fun to be around. You know, the ones that say “There is no such thing. People in developing countries don’t have these problems.” I can forgive their ignorance too. What upsets me is the way people with mental illness or those educated about mental illness treat each other. That mine is worse that yours attitude really bothers me.

Here are some of the things I’ve been told by people in the mental health community that have really irked me.

  • Meditation is all you need – get outside of yourself. (friend with anxiety)
    Meditation works for some people and if it works for you, I’m glad. I don’t doubt that getting outside of yourself can do wonders, but I just can’t figure it out. I’ve tried guided and unguided. Moving meditation seems to work a little. It’s not that I am closed minded and not trying hard enough, it’s just not the solution for everyone.
  • Just think- there are others that are worse than you. (friend with addiction)
    This is not helpful. I’m sure there are worse out there. There are probably some that are not as bad as me either, but how do you judge something like that? It’s like saying you can’t be happy because there are people out there who are happier.
  • That’s nothing, listen to what happened to me. (someone from a group therapy session)
    I do find hearing about others’ experiences enlightening. It gives me another perspective and sometimes some insight into my own issues, but don’t belittle someone else’s experience when you share yours. It’s not a contest.
  • I don’t get along with people who have mental health problems. (my mother-in-law, a nurse)
    You could say here that it was my fault for not reminding her that I have depression, but she is a medical professional, she should know better than to say things like that. Just like people without mental illness, we all have different personalities. You can’t judge us as a group.
  • It’s all in your head – you need to think positive. (counselor)
    Believe me, I try, and it does help sometimes. Other times, it just feels fake.
  • It’s probably just your period. (psychology intern)
    Since it’s a cycle, I think I would have picked up on the pattern already!
  • Why don’t you try to exercise more. (Twitter mental health friend)
    Yes I know exercise helps. EVERYBODY knows. I do exercise, if I’m not, it’s because I’m ill or I’m having anxiety attacks over it.
  • It’s your relationship/Ph.D. (my social worker)
    I was depressed before my current relationship and I started my Ph.D. in hopes that it would relieve my depression. Some people just want to pin it on a reason. There isn’t always a reason.
  • Do you even want to feel better? (my psychologist)
    No, I like being depressed. Seriously?! This was because I didn’t take her advice on ending my relationship.
  • This service is for serious mental illness. (crisis line operator)
    I called because I was alone and felt like I was going to do something I couldn’t take back. Apparently I was too calm on the phone. People in crisis scream and sob and talk really fast. That’s just not me.

 

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12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. NotAPunkRocker
    Jun 16, 2014 @ 10:27:10

    I cannot believe you got that response from the crisis line operator. Um, calling now is what prevents you from doing something later. I would call again, or report, or something. That isn’t right.

    You know how to get in touch with me, right? Not that I have the answers, considering I am in much the same place most of the time, but I am good for chatting through things as a distraction at least.

    ((hugs)) to you in the meantime. If we knew how this worked, then mental health would not be such an issue in this world. The responses you got, even when the people may have meant well, show how much is still needed to be taught about how these work.

    Reply

    • somberscribbler
      Jun 18, 2014 @ 07:03:10

      Thanks for being so kind. I may take you up on your offer sometime. Things have been hard lately.
      I was really thrown by the crisis line operator. I was too much of a mess to do anything about it at the time. It has been enough to prevent me from calling back though. I don’t wan to hear that again

      Reply

      • NotAPunkRocker
        Jun 18, 2014 @ 12:18:10

        That is just horrible. I wish I knew the name and number, I would make a report.

  2. Hayley
    Jun 16, 2014 @ 13:56:41

    I can’t believe you were turned away by a crisis helpline! Surely prevention is better than waiting until the person has done something that can’t be undone?!

    I’m always here if you need to talk, you are never alone (not in cyberspace anyway!) You can tweet or DM me anytime or email me, you still have my email address right?

    I totally agree, MH isn’t a competition, I’ve noticed a few times people trying to make out that they have it worse than anyone else. I don’t see why, point scoring seems so useless, it isn’t going to help.

    This post shows that mental health issues can be widely misunderstood, more awareness is needed!

    Take care (and contact me any time, really)
    Hayley x

    Reply

    • somberscribbler
      Jun 18, 2014 @ 07:06:46

      Thanks Hayley. I do still have your email 🙂 I enjoy our chats.
      The competition part really bugs me. I put all of my energy into being functional because that’s what is important to me. To many people, that makes my illness less severe. How do they know what goes on in my head? They don’t. I wish they wouldn’t judge so quickly.

      Reply

      • Hayley
        Jun 18, 2014 @ 09:19:45

        Exactly! I’ve had a similar issue, people making out that my anxiety was never that bad because I’m managing to improve. I’m making progress cos I’ve been working bloody hard and its starting to pay off! Annoys me so much.

        Pay no attention to them hun. You work so hard to stay functional, that shows more about your character than it does about how severe your illness is!

        Take care,
        Hayley x

      • somberscribbler
        Jun 20, 2014 @ 10:39:44

        Thanks 🙂

  3. Trackback: I Don’t Want to Hear it | the blind flight
  4. Natalie Zaman
    Jun 16, 2014 @ 21:58:12

    The crisis hotline reaction really disturbed me. Someone calls, they should be listening–which seems to be the key thing here all around. Feel free to poke me as well if you need an ear ♥.

    Reply

  5. Tony Scharf
    Jul 15, 2014 @ 23:53:31

    its hard for those who have not experienced depression to understand it. I had only mild depression in my early to mid 20’s. I can’t talk about it and I can’t describe it and I certainly don’t know why I felt the way I did or why I eventually recovered (after my divorce, I just suddenly started feeling again). I wont give any advice other than to remember that nothing last forever – not even depression.

    Reply

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