Progress Report IV

I have to start all over again. With the events of the past week, I have gotten completely off track. It’s been a week since I’ve gone on a run. I’ve been taking time off work for appointments and shock. I also have not been keeping track of what I’ve been eating…plus there was birthday cake. At least I’ve been walking.

I hate starting over again. It’s discouraging. If I don’t want to have to start over in the first place, then I should stop quitting right? I KNOW! Life happens though. You have health problems, your friends need you, there’s birthday cake, and people die. How do you keep going with your plan when all these things come up…never mind when they all happen in the same week?!

So here’s the plan again.

Exercise: Run every other day.

Food: Eat healthy, get the right amount of calories.

Work: Find my mojo.

Psych also gave me homework. What is important to you? This is the question my he wants me to answer. He gave me conditions though. It has to be independent of other people. He says my self-worth is based too much on external things, like my performance at work or other people’s opinions of me. He also told me not to pick the question apart, to just answer it. What immediately comes to mind is does he want me to say what IS important to me, or what I WANT to be important to me? Those are two very different things. For example, what IS important to me is pleasing other people, making them happy. This is dependent on other people though, so I’m not allowed to answer with that. I don’t know what else I would answer with. If the question is what do I WANT to be important to me, that’s easy. I want to my career to be important. I want learning more and being challenged to be important. That’s not the way it is though. I find myself caring less about the things I want to matter every day. Plus, I’m picking apart the question, just like he asked me not to.

What is important to you? How would you answer this question? I need some ideas.

fell and rose again

 

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13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Princess of Dragons
    Jun 20, 2014 @ 10:48:10

    These kinds of questions are hard. And I too know how hard it is too keep going when you’ve hit a stumbling block. The answer is to not dwell on it, and pick right back up where you left off. Birthday cake is the worst for this though, since you feel like you can’t refuse it!

    As for the question, I believe it is the first: Why is important to you. Right at this very moment, what is it that you consider to be important in your life.

    My answer: My independence. Being able to support myself financially, being able to do the things I want to do when I want to do them, is the most important thing to me. Yes I have a boyfriend, and loads of friends and a family, but being independent doesn’t mean ignoring them. It means deciding on what is important to me and allocating my time as I see fit, rather than as anyone else sees fit. It means paying my half of the bills, splitting things evenly, and making my own decisions on things that are my own decision to make.

    If you are looks for other ideas than a close second would be my creativity and devoting time to writing, since I have the dream to become a published author. So is there something like a skill you cherish having, or a personality trait that is uniquely yours that you value? Is there something that you always make time for, no matter what else is going on? Hope that helps you to at least start thinking about things.

    Reply

    • somberscribbler
      Jun 22, 2014 @ 07:59:42

      Thank you for answering πŸ™‚ Independence is a good one. I value that too, but because of school, it’s not something I can accomplish at the moment. I do want to further develop my creative skills as well, but I don’t know how to do that without the time and the money. There are too many buts. I want my career to be important, but I don’t know if it is important to me anymore. I seem to be dragging my feet a lot. I’m just a little confused I guess.

      Reply

  2. NotAPunkRocker
    Jun 20, 2014 @ 11:18:55

    What is important to me? Well, my answer would be my son but then that would not count because that isn’t about “me” (I am sure my therapist would say).

    I think what is most important right now is being around to figure out ‘what’s next?”

    Reply

    • somberscribbler
      Jun 22, 2014 @ 08:01:57

      If my family could be an answer, it would be an easy question, lol. I tried saying making my family happy is important to me and I he told me I was cheating, haha. What’s next? I’m afraid to set my sight too far ahead, so I’ll aim for groceries and a run…..maybe laundry too.

      Reply

  3. nancygoodman
    Jun 20, 2014 @ 11:35:19

    That’s such a great question for me to always be asking myself. I’ve learned that what is truly, really and deeply important to me doesn’t include the word ‘should’. So for me, pleasing other people has an implied ‘should.’ Even wishing that I wanted certain things to be important to me–if they aren’t–has an implied ‘should.’ So what do I want? I want freedom, joy, connection with my friends and family, time to myself, a strong body, passion for the work I do, free time, time to read, healthy food in my body, laughter in my life, etc. Love to hear your list!

    Reply

    • somberscribbler
      Jun 22, 2014 @ 08:06:04

      If you take the “should” out of the equation, it is a lot easier to answer….Free time for drawing and connecting with ppl, learning new things, being healthy… What about the “shoulds” though? I can discount them in my answer, but that doesn’t make them any less important to me. I still value what people think of me, I still care too much about how successful I am in comparison to everyone else. 😦

      Reply

  4. Hayley
    Jun 20, 2014 @ 12:54:23

    Hmm well I guess my answer to that question is I want to keep tackling my anxiety. I want to be able to do things without over-thinking or worrying to the point that I don’t enjoy it. I want to do it for me, not my family (although there is that too) because I want to be able to travel, explore, laugh, love and when I’m old I want to know that I didn’t waste my life being too afraid to do the things I wanted to do!

    Wow, that really got me going… Do you mind if I write a post about my answer? I’ll link back to you.

    I know you’ve had a really tough week but keep going! If you ever need to vent, you know where to find me.

    Take care =)
    Hayley x

    Reply

  5. drheckleandmrjibe
    Jun 21, 2014 @ 03:05:34

    Enjoying possibilities is important to me. Flexibility in my attitude, plans and arrangements. If I begin to feel the death of possibility then I am on the fast-track to feeling badly. I like the world to be open to me.

    All the best,
    H&J

    Reply

  6. fuzzwalk
    Jun 22, 2014 @ 07:00:29

    Don’t think of it as quitting, you took a small break and now you are continuing, and that’s what’s important, and you did continue walking.

    What’s important to me? Being happy. What makes me happy? Feeling good about myself. What makes me feel good about myself? Hmmmm now I have to think some more. It’s not an easy question, and it’s impossible to answer without unwrapping, hope you find your answers x

    Reply

  7. somberscribbler
    Jun 22, 2014 @ 08:10:27

    That’s the part I’m stuck at, the unwrapping. I do want to be happy and the key to that is feeling good about myself, but I don’t know how to do that….yet.

    Reply

  8. Trackback: What is important? | Calm Kitchen

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