This blog challenge was developed by betterthandarkchocolate.tumblr.com. If you missed the introduction or want to see a summary of all the questions, go here.
When do you feel best about yourself?
Do you think you care too much about what others think? If so how can you change that?
I feel best about myself after having been exercising and eating right for several weeks. I just feel lighter on my feet and my muscles feel tight and strong which somehow makes my reflection look better (even though I know it takes more than a couple weeks to see real changes). Lately, it has taken a tremendous amount of effort to exercise once or to eat right for a day. If I’m not exercising and eating right, no wonder I’m not feeling great. You want comfort when you feel bad and there is just nothing comforting about eating vegetables or getting out of breath. I actually find both quite uncomfortable. I don’t have the patience to focus more on the long term rewards of exercise and eating healthy. I think I’m too preoccupied with the immediate rewards I get from eating cake or lying on the couch in my sweats.
I definitely care too much about what people think of me. I want everyone to think highly of me. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way. When you really think about it, it’s a waste of time to worry about what people think. Most of the time you’ll never know what they are thinking. You can assume, but you’re probably wrong most of the time. Besides, it’s impossible to please everyone all the time. It’s pointless to try. Some of you are probably judging me right now and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Some of you will like me, some of you wont. Some of you will respect me for sharing my experiences with depression and some of you will think I’m whining and attention-seeking. I could drive myself crazy agonizing over this and sometimes I do, but it’s not worth it. Why? It’s kind of depressing, but I’m not that special. To put it in perspective, the world is vast and I am small, most people don’t care or don’t know that I exist. In comparison to that, why should a few people who don’t like me matter? It’s not like anything actually happens when people don’t like you. Most of the time, you don’t even know when someone doesn’t like you.
How can I change my worrying about it? If I knew the answer, then I wouldn’t be doing a self-esteem challenge now, would I? I think I need to build my self-esteem and remind myself of what I said above. I am working on it, but it wont happen overnight. It takes a long time to change thought patterns that come to you naturally. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember.