This blog challenge was developed by betterthandarkchocolate.tumblr.com. If you missed the introduction or want to see a summary of all the questions, go here.
Why are you the way you are?
Are you happy with your “inner person”? If so why or why not?
I don’t know why I am the way I am. I think if I knew, then I’d have something to work with and I’d get better, but that’s not the case. I haven’t been abused in any manner. I wasn’t severely bullied. My parents are still together and I had a good childhood. I wasn’t spoiled or overprotected. I had what I needed. I was a pretty tame teenager, never used recreational drugs, nor was I promiscuous and I had good friends. I did well in school, but was not pressured to do so. So why am I like this? I can’t come up with any reason to explain my low self-esteem/perfectionist tendencies and depression. It remains a complete enigma to me. At first I thought it was a chemical imbalance of some sort, but if that were the case, then wouldn’t antidepressants make a big difference? They don’t make a big difference, they just make it a bit easier. So what’s left? Genetics? It does run in my family. Too bad they still aren’t sure about depression markers.
I don’t think I know my “inner person” well enough to answer this question. I have been too busy working on the outer version. I guess I like some of my inner person. I like the part the strives to be the best version of herself, the part that works hard and is kind. I don’t like the dark side though. The side that hates herself, whose thoughts naturally slide toward the negative and who has to push herself to do anything besides be a zombie.