Self-esteem Challenge: Day 26

This blog challenge was developed by betterthandarkchocolate.tumblr.com. If you missed the introduction or want to see a summary of all the questions, go here.

Day 26:
What is your favorite compliment to give and receive, and why?
When’s the last time you were too hard on yourself? What do you think you could have done to treat and comfort yourself instead?

I think my favourite compliment to give and receive is something along the lines of “good work”. Doing a good job is important to me and something I always try to accomplish in anything that I do. So hearing “good work” means I have been successful. If I’m telling someone else “good work” it means they have accomplished the same thing and hopefully my acknowledging that makes them feel good.

It definitely wasn’t the last time I was hard on myself, but it is the time that sticks out most in my mind. My Master’s degree. I should have celebrated it. I should have let myself feel the accomplishment. I regret sweeping that under the rug, especially now as I watch my sister-in-law finish her Master’s degree. She’s on cloud nine lapping up all the praise. All I felt when I got my M.Sc. was guilt. I didn’t deserve it. Nevermind the paper I published from my thesis, the four experts that applauded my defense or the database that is used internationally! I ignored it all and came to the conclusion that I didn’t deserve it. What is wrong with me?!

Share Your World 2014 – Week 30

This is the Share Your World Challenge. If you missed the last couple of weeks, more information can be found at Cee’s Photography. Essentially, four questions are asked every week and you have to answer them. Simple and fun! (Thanks Cee!)

 

List 2 things you have to be happy about.

1. I’m on vacation!! It is a much needed vacation and a big relief. I’m not as happy as I should be though…I have so much work to do, I feel guilty to be taking vacation. I might end up doing some work while I am off.

2. I just finished a sketchbook for the first time ever! Usually they get lost, destroyed or I lose interest in drawing for a few years and feel the need to start over. I think having the blog has really helped me keep up with it.

List at least 2 things in nature you find most beautiful.

Just two?! That’s hard!!

1. The Pacific Ocean. I’ve seen the Atlantic many times, but this past winter was the first time I saw the Pacific. I was hiking along a trail on the California coast outside San Fransisco. Wow! It was impressive. The waves were huge! It was the perfect display of how powerful  Mother Nature can be. The colour of the water was gorgeous too, such a unique shade of turquoise. I’m sure this doesn’t have much of a wow-factor if you live near the Pacific, but to someone who is used to the dark waters of the Atlantic, it is definitely a wow! Even this photo (from Google Images) doesn’t do it justice.

2. Sharks. Some of you are probably thinking “What?!”. Yes, they can be scary and I wouldn’t want to meet one face to face, but it depends on your definition of “beautiful”. I define it as anything that pleases you senses or mind. Sharks please my mind. The idea of a species surviving from a time before the dinosaurs and with evolving so little is truly amazing. Check out the photo (Google images) below. You can’t tell me it’s not kind of cute. The Shark is even smiling!

Note: later found out photo was taken by Andrew Fox and Google had cropped off the watermark.

Most of you would still probably prefer this though….

Show us a 2 of your favorite photographs. Explain why they are your favorite. If you are not a photographer (serious or otherwise), think of a two favorite scenes in your life and tell us about them.

This is a tough one. Not only am I not a photographer, but most of my favourite pictures have me in them. My absolute favourite photo is one of my close family (minus one person, my aunt) on Christmas Eve about ten years ago. I have the photo in my scrapbook. I’m not sure if I want to post it. I’m kind of nervous about posting pictures that I am in. I guess it’s kind of blurry, so you can’t really see me, whatever, here it is.

Anyway, we are at my cousin’s place for Christmas Eve and we are all seated around the sofa smiling and laughing. I’m wearing a Santa Claus hat. My mom and sister are looking at each other and laughing about something. My Dad and I are doing the same and my Gran is on the end of the couch kissing my cousin’s golden retriever, Teddy. The photo just exudes happiness. It is one of the last photos I have of all of us together. It reminds me of happier, simpler times…before we lost Gran and before I was diagnosed.

The second photograph is a scene I have A LOT of pictures of. It’s a sunset over the lake at a resort my family used to go to every summer. The best sunsets I’ve ever seen were at that resort. Seeing this photo reminds me of childhood, old friends and happy family memories. It’s the kind of photo that gives you that prickly feeling behind your eyes and nose whenever you see it.

List 2 of your best personality traits.

1. Generosity. I think it’s important to be considerate of others, to help others and pay it forward. It’s also a lot of fun to give/make presents!

2. Hard worker. I think (I hope) this makes me valuable to other people. No matter what it is, work, hobbies, relationships…I give it my all. I may get tired, but I keep trying.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

Last Week: I lost weight. I haven’t been weighing myself or measuring, but I’ve noticed my clothes are looser and I feel better. Yay Insanity Workouts!!

This week: Vacation.

Sunny Sunday Blahs

I still feeling rather crap-tastic today. The weather yesterday was nice and I managed to make myself go for a run. I felt more in control after that. So I guess I’m not feeling as bad as I was. I know it will pass eventually, it just sucks having to wait it out. I wish I had a trigger, something that I knew set me off so I’d have something to work against. I’m been trying to figure it out since I was diagnosed in 2006, but I got nothing. I think it’s just bad genes and chemical imbalances for me though.

So it’s Sunday. I’m going to ignore reality (work) and just focus on existing today. I’ve been told many time that I need to stop and smell the roses more often. So this morning, I sat on the balcony with a coffee in the morning sun. It was rather nice. Ewok came out too. It was entertaining to watch her play with the bugs on the balcony. The rest of today will be spent out at the in-law’s (for the third weekend in a row). It’s not so bad I guess. They have a big property away from the city with a pool. It’ll be nice for a day like today. My mother in-law is the epitome of bubbly though. I admire bubbly people, but sometimes it’s too much, especially with the high pitched voice and my current mood. On top of that, she doesn’t like people with mental health problems. I have to put on a bit of a show and pretend I’m a happy ordinary person.

My parents will be joining us all later for dinner. It’s completely different with my folks. I can be myself, which is a big relief. I try not to be a total downer because that’s no fun for them, but if all I can manage on a given day is breathing, that’s ok with them. I’m hoping them being there for dinner tonight will take some of the pressure off. I can take a break from acting and just listen to them have conversation. I’ll be eternally grateful for their understanding and patience.

I didn’t get very much sleep last night, so I ended up doodling in my Art Doodle Love book again. The page I worked on asked me to doodle/collage any emotions I feel about myself today. I opted to skip the collage part. It was the middle of the night and all my scrapbook junk was in the bedroom where hubby was sleeping. So I just doodled.

It turned out rather colourful considering how dull and empty I’m feeling. I think maybe I want to be vibrant and colourful. That’s why I always use colour as opposed to darker monotones. Also, my lack of expertise in shading makes it really hard to do anything without the colour variation. I must take a drawing class some day.

Easy Ways to Increase Happiness

I found an article circulating on Facebook that lists “easy” things to make you happier. Normally I’d skip it, thinking it’s a bunch of hooey, but it claimed this list was backed by science (plus I have no better post ideas). Being an uninspired scientist, I liked the sound of this. So here is a summary, if you want more details on the studies in the article, the original can be found here.

1. Exercise. I know, I know, you’ve heard it before and hate having people tell you, I do too. What I didn’t know is that you could do it in 7 minutes. It’s a tough workout, but it’s over in only 7 minutes. Check it out here.
2. Sleep. Apparently not sleeping enough makes you more prone to negative emotions and memories. Positive and negative memories are processed by different parts of the brain. The amygdala processes negative memories while the hippocampus processes the positive ones. Lack of sleep affects the hippocampus more than the amygdala making it more difficult for you to recall positive memories than negative ones.
3. Live close to work. I don’t know about you but it can take me up to two hours to come home from work depending on the traffic. It’s pretty miserable, so I was glad to see someone actually did a study on it. Unlike other unpleasant tasks, one doesn’t acclimate to the commute. The commute is always different; volume of traffic, idiots on the road, accidents, etc.
4. Stay in touch. Not staying in touch with friends or family is one of the top five regrets people have on their death bed. The longevity project found that those who have generous relationships live longer and happier.
5. Go outside. Did you know happiness is maximized at 13.9 degrees centigrade? Really? I think I’d be happier at 20 degrees.
6. Help others. Studies recommend spending 100 hours every year (or 2 hours per week) helping people. If you want more information, read my post on giving.
7. Smile. Make yourself smile by remembering funny moments or thinking positive thoughts. Smiling can alleviate pain, improve attention and help us perform cognitive tasks. Don’t bother faking it. One study showed that those faking their smile through their work day had worse moods as the day progressed while those whose smiles were reinforced with positive thoughts had a better day.
8. Plan a trip and don’t take it. Studies have show that people are happiest during the planning stage of a trip rather than during or after. I’m assuming the anticipation of vacation helps them feel happier. This actually works! I planned my 30th birthday trip to a snorkeling resort in Jamaica. I had a lot of fun and was generally in better mood while planning, despite knowing that we wont be able to do a 30th birthday trip. 😦
9. Meditate. I had a feeling this would be on the list. I’m rubbish at it. Neuroimaging studies have shown that brain activity is actually calmed after meditation. Regular meditation can even alter brain structure.
10. Practice gratitude. Being thankful, even for just three little things a day can improve happiness and life satisfaction.

The article ended by saying that people get happier as they get older. Apparently, past middle age we grow happier naturally. I’m skeptical, but at least it takes the edge off getting older.

Since today was a bit of a fluffy post, here’s a fluffy drawing to go with 🙂

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

Mother’s Day can be bittersweet. Most people see Mother’s Day as a day to celebrate being a mom, which is great, but it is a little sad for those who want to be mothers and aren’t or can’t. I think Mother’s Day should be thought of more as a day for the children. A day set aside to remind children (young and old) to appreciate and celebrate the mother figures they’ve had in their lives. I have been lucky and have had several extraordinary women play a motherly role in my life.

I’ve always gotten along really well with my mom, even during those pesky teenage years. She and I are good friends, but she is still my mom, the first person I go to for advice or that comfort only a mother can give. She taught me that it was good to be smart and classy, that it was important to give your best, not to be the best. Mom has always been really understanding with my mental health issues too. She just seems to know when to encourage me and when to let me off the hook. She is also really good at listening. I’m sure some of the things I say or do really upset her, but she stays very even tempered, she doesn’t freak out and make it about her or make me feel bad about it. She just listens. I appreciate that so much, I know it’s not an easy thing to deal with.

I was very close with my Gran (my mom’s mother) when I was growing up. She basically lived around the corner. She showed me what strength was and taught me to value learning. A lot of who I am and what I’m about comes from her. To make a long story short, she’s my inspiration. Telling you about her makes my heart swell and brings tears to my eyes. I’ll explain some day. Gran has been gone for a decade now, but her memory continues to motivate me.

My aunt and Godmother is a big part of my life too. She is my mother’s sister and like my mom, she’s smart and classy. I’d say she’s been the mother to my creative side. She has played a role in all my hobbies and has encouraged me to draw, to create and to try new things. I had my first sleepover at her place, she taught me how to ride a bike and to appreciate animals and nature. She took me to Japan when I graduated from university. I will treasure the memories from that trip forever!

The most recent motherly figure to come into my life has been my supervisor. She refers to me as her academic offspring, lol. She is a social butterfly and is a great career role model. She welcomed me into the lab with open arms and has given me tremendous opportunities since I joined the field almost three years ago. She challenges me and frustrates me, but I always learn and she makes sure I know I’m appreciated. Last weekend she sent me a huge bouquet of flowers to celebrate the fellowship I was awarded. Her note said “You have worked hard and deserve the rewards. Don’t forget to celebrate!” It made my day!

Today is like Thanksgiving if you’ve ever been child. Take the time to celebrate the mother figures you’ve had in your life, whether they are here or have been gone for a while, whether they birthed you or not, make sure they know you appreciate them and what they’ve done for you.