If We Were Having Coffee…..

If we were having coffee, I would wish you a happy Pi Day! You’d probably give me a strange look and then I would change the subject by asking how you were and how your week was.

If we were having coffee, I’d say I worked a lot this week. There are several studies on the go, a grant proposal in the works, a poster to make, student posters to edit, another presentation to make and my own research on top of that. My own research always ends up being at the end of the list. Everything else has an upcoming deadline or someone else depending on it. Those ending up getting pushed forward and my research trails behind.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I’ve been communicating with an industry rep this week. I contacted him about using his product in my research over a year ago. We’ve been talking on and off since. Currently, he is having trouble entering the market here and thought I’d have some insight. I am all kinds of nervous about talking to him. When I took a moment to rationalize my anxiety, I realized it was because I thought he was better than me. He is a grown up with a real job, a title, a salary and he represents a company. I always see myself as some incompetent kid, but I’m not anymore, am I? I am almost 30 and a Ph.D. candidate. I know the field, I know the right people, I understand his product, why wouldn’t he want to talk to me? I just feel like a fraud, about to be seen through at any minute.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you work has been bringing me down lately. I’m not really sure why. There are some things on the go that I like, some that I don’t. Isn’t that the way work usually goes for everyone. I’ve been trying to lift my spirits with the 30 Day Colouring Challenge hosted by The Daily Marker. Colouring always soothes me a bit. Plus, I have new Neocolors and Gelatos to play with. Today is Day 11. Here are my entries so far.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I came across a rather nice surprise yesterday. I was starting a page in my art journal, trying a new technique. This technique required me to turn my book upside down to let paint drip down the pages. When I did this, two stencils fell out! One was dragonflies (my favourite!!) and another was a bird on a branch. I knew right away who put them in there. It was my aunt. I checked and sure enough, she was guilty. The last I saw her was at the beginning of February though. That would mean they were hiding in my journal for over a month!! She’s sneaky! I never would have been able to keep quiet that long if I were her.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you another one of my friends is having a birthday this month. She lives far away and is having a really rough time. I want to do something to cheer her up a bit, but I’m not really sure what to do. I thought of sending her a care package or some happy mail, but I’m not sure what to send. It can’t cost too much and should be small to keep the shipping costs down. I tried to think of her hobbies, but she doesn’t really have any. She spends time with her family and goes to church. I was thinking of making something. Maybe some cards with inspirational quotes or some of our favourite memories. I’m just not sure. Would you enjoy getting that sort of thing in the mail? Do you have any suggestions?

(This conversational coffee post is part of a weekend link-up hosted by Part-Time Monster. Join in the fun!)

Share Your World 2015 – Week 3

This is Share Your World, a blogging event hosted by Cee’s Photography. Thanks to Cee for all the effort she puts in to coming up with fun new questions every week. Here’s week 3!

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I never know how to answer this question. The thought of having any dinner guest gives me anxiety, nevermind a stranger that I admire. I’m not much of a cook. I usually do easy things, not the kind you’d want try to make a good impression with. I’d go with a friend, familiar and safe! They wouldn’t mind my cheesy taco pasta or sweet potato chilli. If I had to pick a stranger, it would be a chef, someone who would volunteer to cook for me, like Rachael Ray or the guy that drives the toaster-mobile. I think his name is Bob Blummer. He’s called the Surreal Gourmet. Always entertaining.

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I think I was singing in the car Saturday morning while driving to meet a friend for breakfast. “Shake it Off” came on the radio. I couldn’t help myself. The last time I sang to someone else was probably Ewok. I sing to her all the time. I make up dumb songs about how cute she is. I usually take a well known tune and change the lyrics. Hubby hates it (haha), but then he starts singing them too.

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Confidence. I think if I had confidence I would get so much further in life and recover from set backs much quicker.

What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Sometimes there is a need to joke about serious things, it’s how we cope. I think whatever situation you are in, you have all joking rights. When you are talking about someone else, the rules are different. Rape, abuse, murder, suicide, kidnapping, child molesting….I can’t find humor in these things no matter which way you spin it.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

Last Week: I am always grateful for the support network I have, but especially last week. I don’t have much control over things in my life right now. In order to gain control I need to start making tough decisions about school and what to do about hubby’s job situation. I have hubby, friends and family I can discuss these things with. I know some people aren’t so lucky. This is something I’ll never take for granted.

This Week: I am looking forward to doing some more art journaling and getting some new Lego minifigures. *Please, please, PLEASE let me get the unicorn!*

Self-esteem Challenge: Day 20

This blog challenge was developed by betterthandarkchocolate.tumblr.com. If you missed the introduction or want to see a summary of all the questions, go here.

Day 20:
If you finish this challenge and still feel that your confidence is low, would you be willing to do it again? Why or why not?
Has your self esteem improved with doing this challenge? If so, how?

I would be willing to do the challenge again, but not right away. Maybe after a few years. I don’t think I would answer any of the questions differently unless I changed and I need time to make changes.

I don’t know if my self-esteem has improved with doing this challenge. It has forced me to look at myself and my accomplishments in more detail. I’ve had to write about and recognize good things about me and good things that I have done. That’s good and remembering that I have done some things right is good, but this good feeling isn’t a sustainable one. I just said “good” five times, haha. Eventually, this challenge will end and I wont be prompted to think about the good things everyday. I’ll start thinking about the present and what is ahead of me again. This makes me feel anxious and inadequate. It’s always said that you shouldn’t live in the past, but maybe it would be a good idea to remember the good things once and a while. If I did something right once, then I should be able to do it again…right?

Self-Esteem Challenge: Day 13

This blog challenge was developed by betterthandarkchocolate.tumblr.com. If you missed the introduction or want to see a summary of all the questions, go here.

Day 13:
What do you think of your smile?
Share about the last time you felt confident in yourself. Why did you feel that confident?

My smile is….just a smile. I don’t really think about it to be honest. I had horribly crooked teeth when I was younger. I had braces to correct that, but I was never self-conscious about my crooked teeth. I probably would be if they were still like that today, but at 12, it just wasn’t something I thought about.

I feel most confident in myself after having accomplished something. So the last time would have to be….comps I guess. I talked about that yesterday. Why did I feel confident? Because my worth as a Ph.D. candidate was validated by four experts. I felt that I did a good job and they said I did a good job. It’s rare that both happen. Usually I get no feedback or I’m told I did a good job, but I see all the flaws and how it should have been better. So I guess my worth isn’t entirely based on other people’s opinion of me. I have to feel I’ve done well too. I think I might be a harsher critic though…