Share Your World 2015 – Week 8

As I was having my coffee this morning, I was surprised to find myself listening to birds chirping. They weren’t singing the most beautiful song, but it was a sound I realized I had been missing. It’s hard to believe we are 8 weeks into the New Year already and spring is just around the corner. Anyway, here is week 8 of Share Your World. Thanks to Cee for doing this every week.

Your favorite blog post that you have written? (add link)

I’m going to have to go back and look at some old posts. I’ve been blogging for almost a year which isn’t that long compared to most, but long enough for me to forget what I’ve written. I’m going to go with this one from last year’s A to Z Challenge: L is for Love. It’s about how Hubby and I cope with with my mental health issues as a couple. The accomanying doodle is kind of blah though. My favourite doodle is probably this one. Hands are difficult for me and these actually came out looking like hands (probably because the dirt is covering them) but hey, I think it counts!

What do you feel is the most enjoyable way to spend $500? Why?

If I were given some extra cash like that, I would spend it on experiences. I think I would divide it into two. The first part of it would go to a geek day with Hubby. We could go to one of his comic book or toy conventions. The money would cover admission, whatever autographs or toys he wanted and maybe a piece of steampunk jewelry for me (hehe). The second part would go to an art workshop with my aunt. There is an art store near by that does classes. We could take a mixed media class. I could learn something new for my art journal and she could learn something new for the cards she makes. We could spend any leftover cash on art supplies. That would be a valuable way to spend $500 for me.

If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be?

What should I do with my life in order to be happy? I don’t mean crazy happy, I mean content or at least apathetic. I’m tired of feeling unappreciated, stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted and inadequate (among other things). There are so many things I could do. It would take a lifetime to figure it out. I wanted to be an artist or a writer, but I figured I wasn’t good enough to earn a steady paycheck or a secure job. I went into sciences and tried a few different things, but never felt like I was contributing enough. For example, one job was identifying enzymes in fungal genomes. In the big picture, this would contribute to making the use of biofuels from organic waste more feasible but, it’s hard to see the big picture when you spend all your time on the computer staring at genome sequences. From there, I went into vision science because it meant something to me. I had my Strabismus experience and there was Gran with her Macular Degeneration. I thought working directly with people, I would be able to help more. I am helping more but I am burning out. Managing the lab, the research, the teaching, the patients, it’s a lot. My brain is on 24/7 and I don’t think I can go at this rate for the rest of my life. Maybe I should have just done the art thing in the first place. Argh!!

Where do you eat breakfast?

Most of the time breakfast is consumed standing in the kitchen. I know, that’s bad. Work mornings are usually kind of hurried though. On weekends, I usually sit at the coffee table to have breakfast with Hubby and Ewok. Ewok hangs around until I finish my yogurt. She likes to lick the left overs out of the container.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

Last Week: I am thankful my presentation went well and that I got that travel award!

This Week: I was looking forward to some paper ephemera arriving in the mail, but it came while I was writing this post. Now I need another idea…..I am looking forward to using the goodies that came in the mail in my art journal!

Self-esteem Challenge: Day 21

This blog challenge was developed by betterthandarkchocolate.tumblr.com. If you missed the introduction or want to see a summary of all the questions, go here.

Day 21:
When do you feel your most attractive? Why?
Name at least 5 things that you are good at.

It’s not often that I feel attractive. I guess I’d have to have just done a tough workout, had a shower, had time for my hair to dry and be dressed in clothes that fit well with makeup on. A tough workout makes my muscles feel tight and used. That creates the illusion that I am thinner, stronger and more defined than I really am. Sometimes it’s hard to make yourself take a shower, but you always feel better when you are clean. My hair has to be dry so you can see the colour, which is my best feature, I think. Good clothes and makeup just make me feel better too. They hide the flaws more and amplify the good stuff.

5 Things I am good at….I’ve been thinking about this question for a while and haven’t been able to come up with anything. I was hoping it was because I’m so tired my brain isn’t working and not because I’m not good at anything. After a nap, I tried again. To be considered good at something, you don’t have to be the best, right? I think that was getting in my way. So here are 5 things I’m good (not the best) at…

1. Faking it. I think I’m good at putting on a show for people when I am feeling bad, physically or mentally. Most of the time people can’t tell how I really feel. I can be friendly and pleasant when all I want to do is crawl under my duvet. I can also put on a good show when I’m being eaten alive by anxiety, like a conference presentation for example. It’s exhausting, but I can do it.
2. Making people feel comfortable. I do best with people one on one. Like I’ve said in previous posts in this challenge, I work with older adults and make them comfortable during their appointments with me. I get them talking and they are usually very appreciative. I have experience working with children too. I worked at a summer camp for 6 years. I often worked with the kids who were having trouble adjusting or causing trouble. I have an endless supply of distracting games that don’t require equipment that get kids to open up and feel more comfortable.
3. Crafts. I like to try different things. They don’t all turn into masterpieces, but I have fun with it.
4. Doodling. Whether I’m actually good or not is subjective, but I love to draw. I’m never without a doodle idea.
5. Memorizing things. I haven’t had to do this for a while, but in school, I was really good at memorizing and reciting passages in English class. I have a degree in Anatomy and there’s nothing you can do there to learn but memorize the names of everything. Currently, I’m pretty good a birthdays. I remember the birthdays of kids I went to elementary school with. Kind of useless, but I’m good at it!

 

Q is for Quotes

I like quotes, especially the inspirational ones. They lift me up when I am feeling down. Some of them mention facts of life that are so simple and so true that they are usually overlooked. For example “If you are tired of starting over, stop giving up!” Well, duh! I don’t know who said it, but they are smart. It’s a truth that we don’t often think about.

I can also appreciate negative quotes sometimes. I usually struggle to put how I am feeling into words. In this case I rely on quotes or even better, picture quotes to illustrate what is going on in my head.

I’m going to post some of my favourite quotes that describe depression or inspire hope and motivation. I usually try to draw my own pictures to go with the quotes. If you’ve been following my blog, you may recognize some of the cartoons. I’ll keep the negative quotes to the end, so if you don’t want to see them, you can just skip them.

H.O.P.E. Hold on, pain ends

Use what talent you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except for those that sang best

Hold on to hope.

Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another without loss of enthusiasm.

Logic will get you from A to Z. Imagination will get you everywhere – Einstein

It’s ok if all you did today was just breathe

Tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it -Miss Stacy (Anne of Green Gables)

Just Be

Live, Laugh, Love.

F.E.A.R. Forget Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise. Your choice.

Courage is not the absense of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important -Ambrose Redmoon

Be stubborn about your goals, flexible about your methods

Be positive

Creativity is Allowing Yourself to Make Mistakes

A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing grows there

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain

It’s not who you think you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you are not.

Perfectionism doesn’t make you fell perfect, it makes you feel inadequate

Sometimes it’s okay to look back, just to remind yourself how much stronger you are now than you were then.

Too many people undervalue what they are and over value what they are not.

 

The depression cycle picture quote

Monsters don’t sleep under your bed, they sleep inside your head

Brain fog picture quote

Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can’t always see the pain someone feels

I’m fine.

picture quote

I feel so empty, yet I feel so much pain.

picture quote

Depression is a cruel punishment. There are no fevers, no rashes, no blood tests to send people scurrying in concern. Just the slow errosion of self.

It’s ok to be a glowstick, sometimes we need to break before we shine

Depression picture quote

Ball of shame picture quote

You may not see it, but depression hurts too.

I can’t live with a broken heart, so I mend it and pretend it doesn’t hurt