Self-esteem Challenge: Day 27

This blog challenge was developed by betterthandarkchocolate.tumblr.com. If you missed the introduction or want to see a summary of all the questions, go here.

Do you often accept compliments? If not, why?
What is the main barrier to you having positive self esteem? How can you break free from it?

I’d say I don’t believe compliments, but I keep that to myself. I have become better at gracefully accepting them. The polite thing to do is just say thank you. Compliments make me uncomfortable, so I say thank you and try to change the subject as quickly as possible. A friend once told me rejecting a compliment is like slapping the other person in the face. By not accepting it, you are saying they are wrong, have bad taste or their opinion isn’t valid. That made sense to me, so I’m trying to be more polite these days.

The main barrier to my having positive self-esteem is me and I can’t break free from that. I mean, I am kind of stuck with myself, so all I can do it try to adapt…which I am trying, but it’s going so slowly, if at all. I think another little barrier I have is being in school. I am in an environment where I am always surrounded by experts and am constantly learning. How do you learn? By trying and making mistakes. So if each day is just full of mistakes and the only people I have to compare myself to are the experts, well, you see where I am going. I am hoping that by finishing school I can move on to somewhere where I am the expert in my field and I am working with people who have different, but related expertise. I’m hoping I wont always be the student.

hand and cross

This drawing has absolutely nothing to do with the associated post

Share Your World 2014 – Week 30

share your world

This is the Share Your World Challenge. If you missed the last couple of weeks, more information can be found at Cee’s Photography. Essentially, four questions are asked every week and you have to answer them. Simple and fun! (Thanks Cee!)

 

List 2 things you have to be happy about.

1. I’m on vacation!! It is a much needed vacation and a big relief. I’m not as happy as I should be though…I have so much work to do, I feel guilty to be taking vacation. I might end up doing some work while I am off.

2. I just finished a sketchbook for the first time ever! Usually they get lost, destroyed or I lose interest in drawing for a few years and feel the need to start over. I think having the blog has really helped me keep up with it.

finished sketchbook

List at least 2 things in nature you find most beautiful.

Just two?! That’s hard!!

1. The Pacific Ocean. I’ve seen the Atlantic many times, but this past winter was the first time I saw the Pacific. I was hiking along a trail on the California coast outside San Fransisco. Wow! It was impressive. The waves were huge! It was the perfect display of how powerful  Mother Nature can be. The colour of the water was gorgeous too, such a unique shade of turquoise. I’m sure this doesn’t have much of a wow-factor if you live near the Pacific, but to someone who is used to the dark waters of the Atlantic, it is definitely a wow! Even this photo (from Google Images) doesn’t do it justice.

pacific ocean

2. Sharks. Some of you are probably thinking “What?!”. Yes, they can be scary and I wouldn’t want to meet one face to face, but it depends on your definition of “beautiful”. I define it as anything that pleases you senses or mind. Sharks please my mind. The idea of a species surviving from a time before the dinosaurs and with evolving so little is truly amazing. Check out the photo (Google images) below. You can’t tell me it’s not kind of cute. The Shark is even smiling!

shark smile

Note: later found out photo was taken by Andrew Fox and Google had cropped off the watermark.

Most of you would still probably prefer this though….

shark costume

Show us a 2 of your favorite photographs. Explain why they are your favorite. If you are not a photographer (serious or otherwise), think of a two favorite scenes in your life and tell us about them.

This is a tough one. Not only am I not a photographer, but most of my favourite pictures have me in them. My absolute favourite photo is one of my close family (minus one person, my aunt) on Christmas Eve about ten years ago. I have the photo in my scrapbook. I’m not sure if I want to post it. I’m kind of nervous about posting pictures that I am in. I guess it’s kind of blurry, so you can’t really see me, whatever, here it is.

Xmas family photo

Anyway, we are at my cousin’s place for Christmas Eve and we are all seated around the sofa smiling and laughing. I’m wearing a Santa Claus hat. My mom and sister are looking at each other and laughing about something. My Dad and I are doing the same and my Gran is on the end of the couch kissing my cousin’s golden retriever, Teddy. The photo just exudes happiness. It is one of the last photos I have of all of us together. It reminds me of happier, simpler times…before we lost Gran and before I was diagnosed.

The second photograph is a scene I have A LOT of pictures of. It’s a sunset over the lake at a resort my family used to go to every summer. The best sunsets I’ve ever seen were at that resort. Seeing this photo reminds me of childhood, old friends and happy family memories. It’s the kind of photo that gives you that prickly feeling behind your eyes and nose whenever you see it.

Balsam sunset

List 2 of your best personality traits.

1. Generosity. I think it’s important to be considerate of others, to help others and pay it forward. It’s also a lot of fun to give/make presents!

2. Hard worker. I think (I hope) this makes me valuable to other people. No matter what it is, work, hobbies, relationships…I give it my all. I may get tired, but I keep trying.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

Last Week: I lost weight. I haven’t been weighing myself or measuring, but I’ve noticed my clothes are looser and I feel better. Yay Insanity Workouts!!

This week: Vacation.

Self-esteem Challenge: Day 20

This blog challenge was developed by betterthandarkchocolate.tumblr.com. If you missed the introduction or want to see a summary of all the questions, go here.

Day 20:
If you finish this challenge and still feel that your confidence is low, would you be willing to do it again? Why or why not?
Has your self esteem improved with doing this challenge? If so, how?

I would be willing to do the challenge again, but not right away. Maybe after a few years. I don’t think I would answer any of the questions differently unless I changed and I need time to make changes.

I don’t know if my self-esteem has improved with doing this challenge. It has forced me to look at myself and my accomplishments in more detail. I’ve had to write about and recognize good things about me and good things that I have done. That’s good and remembering that I have done some things right is good, but this good feeling isn’t a sustainable one. I just said “good” five times, haha. Eventually, this challenge will end and I wont be prompted to think about the good things everyday. I’ll start thinking about the present and what is ahead of me again. This makes me feel anxious and inadequate. It’s always said that you shouldn’t live in the past, but maybe it would be a good idea to remember the good things once and a while. If I did something right once, then I should be able to do it again…right?

zenborders and love

Self-esteem Challenge: Day 16

This blog challenge was developed by betterthandarkchocolate.tumblr.com. If you missed the introduction or want to see a summary of all the questions, go here.

self esteem challenge day 16

Day 16:
The last thing you did that made you smile.
Do you have make up, clothing or an accessory that makes you feel positive about yourself? If so what is it and why?

The last thing that made me smile was so silly. It was getting out of bed the other day. I couldn’t help but smile because it hurt so much! My muscles are so sore from doing this Insanity workout!! After lying down and not moving all night, my muscles are at their sorest and getting upright is difficult. It’s still a good worked-out kind of sore, but watching me trying to hobble around first thing in the morning is kind of funny. I think my calves are the worst. It’s like the muscle has contracted from exercising and now it’s too short. I keep thinking the muscles are actually going to rip in half when I walk. Even rolling over to hang my feet off the side of the bed was hard. My core muscles are pretty sore as well. I’m making it sound worse than it is. Really, it’s just funny.

I have a shirt that makes me feel pretty decent. I actually ended up buying three of them in different patterns, haha! The patterns are great because they distract from any flaws. The top has a V-neck which makes me look taller and it wraps around the waist which makes my waist look smaller. I don’t feel like I need to wear a big sweater over it to hide under.

jacob shirtP.S. not me in the picture.

Self-esteem Challenge: Day 11

This blog challenge was developed by betterthandarkchocolate.tumblr.com. If you missed the introduction or want to see a summary of all the questions, go here.

Day 11:
Do you like the way you are? Why or why not?
Is your self talk negative or positive? If it is negative what are some more positive ways to talk to yourself?

I don’t like the way I am because I constantly feel inadequate.

My self talk is probably negative when I’m not thinking about it. I don’t do it on purpose. When I’m not paying attention, it naturally come out on the negative side. That’s just where my logic takes me. When I am focusing on it, I try to be as positive as possible. The problem is, I feel like I am lying to myself. If positive self-talk is good for you, then why does it make me feel like a fake? I find this contradiction frustrating.

angel and devil scan

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