D is for Dreams

Waking up completely exhausted is common among people with depression. I usually have more trouble getting up when I sleep during the night than when I am battling insomnia. It’s because I dream. I dream a lot. They aren’t good dreams either. I wouldn’t call them nightmares, but they are realistic and stressful. Sometimes they are repetitive dreams. I often think in the dream oh no, it isn’t a dream this time, it is happening for real! I often can’t tell that I am dreaming. Even upon waking, I am not sure what was real and what wasn’t. I wake up feeling like I’ve had a long stressful day at work and now, I have to get up and do it all again in waking life. Ugh.

Do you dream a lot? Do you have repetitive dreams? Have you ever had trouble telling the difference between your dream and reality?

It sucks, but I just accepted it. I figured everyone has these dreams. Most people do, but not every night, and not to the same intensity. Sleep studies have shown that people with depression dream up to three times more than the average person. Dreams contain more intense emotions and negative themes than average. Dream sleep occurs during the Rapid Eye Movements (REM) phase of the sleep cycle. It is often referred to as Paradoxical Sleep because although you are asleep, it is not the kind that leaves you rested and restored. During REM, all kind of stress hormones are released into your system. Dreams are usually thought of as good things. They tend to be exaggerations of the truth, but dreams tend to be metaphors for your life. Unaddressed concerns get played out in your dreams, leaving your brain free for dealing with the events of the next day. Too much of a good thing though, is always bad. Over-dreaming leaves you stressed and deprives you from the “deep sleep” that you really need. Waking too early is common among those with depression. This is actually the brain’s survival mechanism to prevent the stress from over-dreaming. Why do depressed people dream more? Apparently it is because we have more worries and emotional arousal that has to be worked through.

I don’t know if a completely dreamless sleep is possible, but you can at least find sleep where you don’t remember your dreams. I have come across a few tips I am going to try to see if I can mute these stressful dreams of mine.

1. Don’t go to sleep stressed. Give yourself time to cool down
2. Keep regular sleep times, even on weekends
3. Don’t eat right before bed. Meats and cheeses can increase the likelihood of having nightmares
4. Decrease alcohol and caffeine consumption
5. Keep a dream journal or join a dream-sharing group in your community
6. Research has shown that good smells can affect dreams positively…aromatic oils, lotion, flowers.
7. Have some sort of moderate exercise during the day and not right before bed.
8. Don’t sleep on your back. That can induce sleep paralysis which causes you to feel like you are awake and alert, but cannot move. People often complain of a heavy feeling on their chest.
9. Read something not too thrilling, but not work or school related stuff either.
10. Don’t stress about not being able to sleep. Worrying about it, will just make it less likely to happen.

Some of these I already do (#3, 4 and 7). Some, I’ll be honest, I’m just not going to do (#5). The others, I’ll give a try.

Share Your World 2015 – Week 7

This is week 7 of Cee’s Share Your World. Here are her questions (and my answers) for this week.

Is the paper money in your possession right now organized sequentially according to denomination and with the bills right side up and facing the same way?

It is rare that I carry paper money and there is never any order to it. The bills face every which way and occur in whatever order I shove them into my wallet. Since each bill is a different colour, it’s easy enough to find what I am looking for. Got to love that Canadian “Monopoly money”.

What is your favorite type of dog?  (can be anything from a specific breed, a stuffed animal or character in a movie)

My favourite dog was Snoopy when I was little. I had a stuffed Snoopy in a raincoat that I loved. I also had a giant red bloodhound that I love. I can’t remember where he came from. He wasn’t Clifford. He came with a Christmas elf hat. I named him Poinsetter because he was red like a poinsettia.. In terms of real dogs, I love Bernese Mountain dogs. Their markings are gorgeous. I hear they are friendly and intelligent too.

If money was not an issue, would you go on a cruise?  If so where would you go?

I would try it. I’ve never been on a ship before, so I’m not sure how I’d fare. I get motion sickness of cars and buses, but not  speed boats, trains and planes. Who knows what could happen on a ship. I would like to do a Caribbean cruise. One that hit a bunch of the smaller islands.

Would you dare to sleep in haunted house overnight?

No. You’d have to offer me a lot of money. I love my sleep. It’s really hard for me to get a good night’s sleep. There would have to be a pretty big reward for me to purposely put myself in a situation where I know there’s no chance of good sleep.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

Last Week: I am grateful that my second bout of stomach flu was short lived!

This Week: I am looking forward to finding some time to catch up on art journaling. I thought I was going to have some time last week, but it never happened.

My Happy Light

I got a Verilux HappyLight for Christmas. It was given to me by my sister-in-law who is a psychologist and someone who has/had BPD. Is it possible to have had Borderline Personality Disorder? I mean, does it go away or become manageable? Of course, I have no idea what goes on in her head or in her private life, but I haven’t seen the type of symptoms my husband says she displayed when she was younger. I feel like I can’t ask her about it because mental illness is not an approved topic of conversation in my husband’s family. Plus, Hubby has told me her story and I’m not sure if she wanted me to know everything.

Anyway, Hubby had mentioned declining mental health to her, that’s why she got me this happy light. It is the type of light used to treat Seasonal Affective Disorder (which I don’t have). Thankfully, Hubby warned me that she was getting me something depression-related, so I knew to be discrete (aka hide it from my mother in law) when I opened it. My sister-in-law later explained to me her reasoning behind this slightly awkward gift. This light is supposed to help with sleep. When it comes to sleep, I need all the help I can get! She said a couple of the people in the psych department where she works have them and they have said they do sleep better so she thought maybe it would help me. Thoughtful.  🙂

Photo by Jordan Shakeshaft

 

So, I have tried it. I’m supposed to set it within 2 feet of my face for about half an hour everyday. I have to make sure my eyes are exposed to the light. It is bright, but there are settings to control the brightness. Plus, the discomfort it causes wears off pretty quickly. I expect it will be a little while before I experience improvement with sleep. I hope I can remember to use it every day. I have used it three times so far, today included. I have slept better the two nights after remembering to use it. I don’t know if that’s coincidence or not, but it’s enough to encourage me a bit.

The box calls it “natural spectrum light”….. whatever that means. I’m hoping they mean visible spectrum. They do state that it is UV-free which is what I was most concerned about. The light interacts with melatonin, the hormone that controls your internal body clock. Melatonin fluctuations tell our bodies when to sleep and when to wake up. This hormone also interacts with dopamine, one of the major mental health hormones. This explains why the happy light also claims to improve mood, increase energy and reduce carb cravings. Sounds like a miracle to me! We’ll see.

Self-Esteem Challenge: Day 4

This blog challenge was developed by betterthandarkchocolate.tumblr.com. If you missed the introduction or want to see a summary of all the questions, go here.

Day 4:
A habit you have that you like.
What do you do to feel better when you’re having a bad day?

Lots of bad habits come to mind. I like my habit of having dessert, but at the same time, I feel guilty for eating sweets so often. Plus it’s bad for my body. I asked my husband to help me on this one and all he said was “You’re not a habit driven person.” A big help he was. For lack of anything better, I’m going to say going to bed early is a habit of mine that I like. There is no down side to it. I go to bed early-ish even on the weekends. That’s one less thing I have to adjust to when transitioning from weekend to weekday. Going to bed at the same time every night is supposed to help with depression too. It also gives me enough time to get the recommended eight hours of sleep (when I actually am able to sleep).

When feeling bad, I try to remind myself of three things

1. The past does not equate the future
2. Failures are learning experiences
3. I can adapt to change

Sometimes this helps me put things in perspective. I also have a list of things that usually make me feel good. It comes in handy for when I’m feeling bad and don’t know what to do. It doesn’t always work, but if I work my way through it at least I’m doing something and not wallowing.

1. Eat cake with lots of icing
2. Watch cute cat videos
3. Put comfy clothes on (lululemon!)
4. Cuddle Ewok
5. Put some music on and sing or dance (often don’t have the energy for this one)
6. Watch a “feel-g00d” movie (Phantom of the Opera, Pride and Prejudice, Memoirs of a Geisha, Definitely Maybe, etc.)
7. Get hugs
8. Find some company
9. Think of things to be thankful for
10. Drink something warm
11. Call someone (this one is usually really hard to do, I often skip it)
12. Doodle anything
13. Look up positive or motivational quotes
14. Bake dessert
15. Sleep

I is for Insomnia

Insomnia is habitual sleeplessness or the inability to sleep. According to this definition, I don’t have insomnia. I am able to sleep. In fact I love sleep, I always want to sleep…except for those anxiety dreams, but that’s another post. If I don’t have insomnia, then why am I so tired all the time?

Upon further research, I learned there are three different patterns of insomnia. One is sleep onset insomnia, the inability to fall asleep. This I knew. It’s more common in people with anxiety. Your brain just doesn’t want to shut up and thoughts keep cycling in your head. Anxiety is similar to stress in that the hormone cortisol is at higher levels. One of the functions of cortisol is to keep you awake. I don’t have sleep onset insomnia. I have trouble staying awake!

Another pattern of insomnia is early morning awakening with an inability to go back to sleep. Usually you get around 6.5 hours of sleep. This pattern is typical of depression. I’ve been having this kind of trouble lately. I wake up at 3:30am and that’s it, I’m awake. It makes me pretty useless during the day.

The third pattern of insomnia is nocturnal awakenings. I didn’t know this counted as insomnia. I have this all the time. I wake up several times during the night for no apparent reason. Thankfully, I am usually able to get back to sleep, but it still leaves me waking up tired.

How do you treat insomnia? By keeping good sleep hygiene for one thing. This includes going to bed and waking up at regular times, avoiding caffeine and alcohol close to bedtime, giving yourself time to wind down before bed, exercising during the day and keeping the bedroom a comfortable, dark place for sleeping, not TV! This stuff is pretty obvious. I try to follow these rules, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. Then what do you do? Well, I climb out from between hubby and Ewok and head to the couch where I watch the Phantom of the Opera until sleep finds me. Sometimes the movie has to play several times. My psychiatrist has prescribed me sleeping pills for when my insomnia is bad. I’m not comfortable taking them though. I’m sure there are lots of different options, but I am worried about becoming dependent or really wanting to sleep and taking too many. So I was pleased to discover an alternative to sleeping pills, cognitive behaviour therapy for insomnia (CBT-I)!

According the the Globe and Mail (a Canadian newspaper) it’s the first line of treatment for insomnia in Canada, USA and Britain……really? Then why was psych so quick to give me sleeping pills? CBT-I is supposed to teach you how to manage racing thoughts and limit the amount of time you stay in bed to your actual sleep time. This means only going to bed when sleepy, not napping, having a certain rise time and getting out of bed if you can’t sleep for some reason.

It’s hard to believe that this CBT-I stuff is recommended over sleeping pills for chronic insomnia and I’ve never heard of it. With 8 years of mental health treatment under my belt, I would have thought I’d come across it.

Has anyone else heard of this? Has anyone tried it? I’d love to hear from you about CBT-I or about what methods you use to get to sleep.

Sources:

Globe and Mail

Canadian Sleep Society